Ah, Those Lazy, Hazy Days Of Summer

It has been an unusually mild, wet summer around my neck of the woods (as they say here in Arkansas). Few 90 degree + days and (thankfully) no 100 degree + days. In other words, when it wasn’t raining, we’ve had beautiful days to enjoy. No wonder I’m doing more bicycle riding than writing. But I do remember those blistering summer days when it was so hot all I could do is kick back and enjoy lounging in the pool.

Lawdy its hot chicken in pool.pg

Write Something Every Week

It is no secret one of my favorite authors is Ray Bradbury. He penned and published some wonderfully interesting work including ‘Illustrated Man’, ‘Dandelion Wine’, ‘The Martian Chronicles’, ‘Fahrenheit 451’, ‘Something Wicked This Way Comes’, and so many more.

He also left us with some inspiring and often amusing sayings. Here’s one of my favorites:

52storiesRayBradbury

Classified Ads

Punctuation, grammar, and spelling are all important ingredients in effective communications. When the rules of writing aren’t followed, the risk of being misunderstood increases, often with hilarious results.

Here are some “examples” from newspaper classified ads.

  1. I’m not sure why the person willing to help the uneducated would expect a response:

          “Illiterate? Write today for free help.”

  1. There’s a good possibility this mechanic is no longer in business:

          “Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go                           anywhere again.”

  1. Is it possible this child day care facility has been closed due to abuse?

         “Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced back yard, meals, and                        smacks included.”

  1. I’m not sure this animal has found a home:

          “Dog for sale. Eats anything and is fond of children.”

  1. This store might want to contact Santa Claus or check a calendar for guidance:

          “Semi-annual after Christmas sale. Ends December 4th.”

  1. How much experience can such a young person have?

         “Three-year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.”

  1. Perhaps the person selling this set probably ran the child day care center mentioned in #3, above:

         “Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient                            beating.”

  1. Not sure if Chester is going to miss his underwear or his dresser:

         “For Sale: Chester’s drawers.”

  1. Does this jewelry store deal in baubles, body parts, or both?

         “Today Only: Have your ears pierced and get an extra pair free.”

  1. I thought this was illegal in most places:

         “Great Dames for sale. Free crate for housing included.”

  1. I’ll bet this maid service gets great tips:

          “Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.”

  1. Sounds like a tiring but pleasurable place to stay, doesn’t it?

         “Our hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other fun                      athletic facilities.”

  1. It’s a good bet this laundry lost some clients after placing this ad:

         “We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.”

  1. No telling what this pest control company would do to uncles:

         “Get rid of aunts. Our chemical does the job in 24 hours.”

  1. Finally! An honest used car dealership:

         “Used cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.”

  1. These crafts people might still be looking for a sale:

        “Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.”

  1. Sounds like she gives good, clean milk:

         “Wanted: Man to take care of cow that doesn’t smoke or drink.”

  1. I already have a swimsuit but I might just stop by this surf shop in Florida:

         “Our bikinis are exciting, better than others. Ours are simply the tops.”

  1. This big-box store might need a new public relations representative:

         “Our Superstore is unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled in                                inconvenience.”

  1. This odd-jobs person just might be worth the money:

         “Will oil your sewing machine, unravel your threads and adjust tension in your                    home for $1.00.”

  1. No comment:

         “For Sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.”