Classified Ads

Punctuation, grammar, and spelling are all important ingredients in effective communications. When the rules of writing aren’t followed, the risk of being misunderstood increases, often with hilarious results.

Here are some “examples” from newspaper classified ads.

  1. I’m not sure why the person willing to help the uneducated would expect a response:

          “Illiterate? Write today for free help.”

  1. There’s a good possibility this mechanic is no longer in business:

          “Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go                           anywhere again.”

  1. Is it possible this child day care facility has been closed due to abuse?

         “Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced back yard, meals, and                        smacks included.”

  1. I’m not sure this animal has found a home:

          “Dog for sale. Eats anything and is fond of children.”

  1. This store might want to contact Santa Claus or check a calendar for guidance:

          “Semi-annual after Christmas sale. Ends December 4th.”

  1. How much experience can such a young person have?

         “Three-year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.”

  1. Perhaps the person selling this set probably ran the child day care center mentioned in #3, above:

         “Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient                            beating.”

  1. Not sure if Chester is going to miss his underwear or his dresser:

         “For Sale: Chester’s drawers.”

  1. Does this jewelry store deal in baubles, body parts, or both?

         “Today Only: Have your ears pierced and get an extra pair free.”

  1. I thought this was illegal in most places:

         “Great Dames for sale. Free crate for housing included.”

  1. I’ll bet this maid service gets great tips:

          “Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.”

  1. Sounds like a tiring but pleasurable place to stay, doesn’t it?

         “Our hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other fun                      athletic facilities.”

  1. It’s a good bet this laundry lost some clients after placing this ad:

         “We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.”

  1. No telling what this pest control company would do to uncles:

         “Get rid of aunts. Our chemical does the job in 24 hours.”

  1. Finally! An honest used car dealership:

         “Used cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.”

  1. These crafts people might still be looking for a sale:

        “Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.”

  1. Sounds like she gives good, clean milk:

         “Wanted: Man to take care of cow that doesn’t smoke or drink.”

  1. I already have a swimsuit but I might just stop by this surf shop in Florida:

         “Our bikinis are exciting, better than others. Ours are simply the tops.”

  1. This big-box store might need a new public relations representative:

         “Our Superstore is unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled in                                inconvenience.”

  1. This odd-jobs person just might be worth the money:

         “Will oil your sewing machine, unravel your threads and adjust tension in your                    home for $1.00.”

  1. No comment:

         “For Sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.”

16 thoughts on “Classified Ads

  1. There are some gems amongst that little lot, Jack. It’s funny how many things we see around with such glaring mistakes. I was about to say which one I liked best, but they’re all so funny, I simply can’t choose. 🙂

  2. Thanks for the laugh, Jack. I really needed that right now. I was catching up on blog posts and a large spider came down from the ceiling and dangled in front of my eyes, six inches from my face. I turned to run from the room and tripped over the dog, landed on my knees, getting a carpet burn, as my head rammed into the door. I’m sitting with a bag of frozen peas on my head and an ice pack on my neck. The dog keeps giving me dirty looks and my husband and daughter can’t look me in the eye and keep a straight face. Now you know why I was so happy to see this post on your blog. Thanks for cheering me up – I reckon I’m going to be stiff-necked in the morning and not too easily amused.

    • Oh my goodness, Jean! Happy to cheer you up with my post but I must say I cried laughing when I read your encounter with that spider! Your narrative is so much more humorous and entertaining than anything on the Classified Ads post. Hope you have recovered from the experience. 🙂

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